I frequently ask couples about the amount of quality time they spend together, meaning time together that involves interaction, conversation, activity, or physical touch. The typical response is one of silence or "I don't know."
If I ask about the amount of time it takes to vacuum the house, watch a certain TV show/sports game, or commute to work, couples can provide an instant response that involves a specific amount of time they know gets devoted to that activity.
It seems that although we will make time for things like mowing the lawn, cleaning the house, getting an oil change, etc, we don't really make the time for nurturing the relationship. How can we expect a relationship to be fun, satisfying, and loving if we don't give it the time and energy we devote to other things?
The problem is, after months or sometimes years of not making time for each other, it is sometimes difficult to enjoy the time together. Many couples find that the first struggle involves deciding what to do. What can we enjoy together, what can we talk about, how can we have fun together?
Even for couples who know immediately what they can and will do, it can sometimes feel unnatural once they start. It can feel awkward, which then leads to feelings of sadness and disappointment. If this is how it feels after the first attempt, many couples are not motivated to continue to make the time.
The key may be to start small and build from there. If you notice that you have not been giving you relationship the time and energy it needs, why not start with a five minute conversation about something in the news? Or initiate a quick project ("Let's cook dinner together tonight.") You could also try something as simple as holding your partner's hand while watching TV. Maybe if you start small, in a few weeks or months, it will be fun, comfortable, exciting, and fulfilling to spend time together.
And once it feels that good to be around each other, you may be surprised how easy it becomes to make the time!
